I have not been blogging much lately. I don't seem to have much to say, nor the focus to find anything to talk about.First, I am so wrapped up in the elections going on right now too. It is hard for me to write. I find myself between absolute horror and hope. I am completely disturbed by the extremism going on in this country. The hatred and the racism - I am just baffled by the whole process.
Secondly, if I was honest, I am really in state of limbo. A few weeks ago, I finished my YA Thriller and am sending my baby out into "the world of agents". Very nerve-wracking. I have already selected a couple agenst who I have researched to death and would be awesome for my book. (dont we all say that?) I started iwth my top tier! JUst decided to go for it!
Waiting is not something I do well. I am an achiever by nature. I like to push forward and make things happen. This publishing process is a challenge for me to learn patience. So I need to channel that energy into something else.
Another book, perhaps?
Leads me to my third point - I can't focus. Don't get me wrong - I have a Grace 2 planned for my series and I have done the research. I know kinda what it is about. But I do not have it ironed out yet in my head. I don't know where to start.I feel like a balloon whose string has been cut and I am just floating above, watching life go on below me. I have been working on the Grace 1 for so long - almost 2 years to be exact and had a baby in that time - I think my energy was just so focused on creating something. But now - for some reason -I feel a bit lost after sending out my book. Its like I have empty-nest syndrome, I don't know what to do with my time. I did promise my critique group and summary of the book and first chapter by next Friday! Just don't know if I'll get there.
Most of all, I have a small sense of loss and realize that I miss the process of being so enthralled in writing a book that the words and scenes just pour out of you when you write - almost as if you are channeling something out of this world. Now I just feel stiff and slow and everything I write sounds dumb.
Lastly,my house seems to be falling apart right now. Furnace is broken. gas stove is broken. car needs servicing and has a "malfunction". toilet is broken. What is going on? Computer is acting up. And mercury is NOT EVEN in RETROGRADE. I am in trouble. I am a true believer that your house represents your life. To a degree.
So what is going on with me?
I realize that writing seems to mirror my life.
1) I am kinda wanting another baby(#3) but can't imagine being prego again.
2) I want to start hot yoga again, but can't imagine going back and to the beginning since I have not done it in so long.
3) I wish I could go back to eating no carbs/sweets (something I started doing again when I got prego 4.5 years ago) but I can't be bothered with the cravings and the strength it takes to sum up will power.
4) I want to write Grace 2 but cant find the focus to pin down the story.
I know a break is good but I love writing so much that I WANT to get back into it. I NEED to start something new. It's a therapeutic release for me. I feel jammed, bottled up, stuck. And I hate that feeling.
I know I can't force it though.
So my question of the day?
What in the world does a writer do besides write?
We try our hand at new hobbies and then realize we should be writing.
ReplyDeleteEr, that's what I do.
Wow, did I relate to this post. Even down to the hot yoga! [though I haven't actually ever done it but always wanted to] I don't know what the answer is when it's just not flowing. That's not true--my answer for everything: read a good book. I am totally addicted to reading for escapism. I hope that if I read enough, I will hone the craft by osmosis [ha, ha, I know.]
ReplyDeleteOh, I know what you mean. There's that feeling of disjointedness that you get when you finish a book, like you're suddenly in a new and strange reality that doesn't quite fit. As for me, I get OUT. Go outside, see people, live a little outside my basement. Inevitably, I see something that makes me think: Oh, I've got to go write that down! And the whole thing starts all over again. :)
ReplyDeleteCan you believe so many people know SO much about you????
ReplyDeleteI hear you on the 3rd baby. Hard one to come to grips with (not having one). But you know, I tell myself this all the time, I was a FABULOUS mom to my first child (because i had all the time in the world). I am a GREAT mom to two kids. I don't want to be a just a good mom to three. I have just enough time in my day for my two boys. Someone is going to get the short end of the stick if baby #3 comes along. Think about that...