Walking the fence in publishing

I can't help but at times feel that I still want it all.

Both a traditional path and self pubbing path.

Maybe it's my awkward need or my want to belong. Or maybe I don't like to be pigeonholed. Not force myself into one box or standard. Maybe I'm greedy. Maybe I have a dual personality.

I don't know what it is, but I find myself looking at my future with both sides of the fence in mind.

This side of the fence is hard!


Why do I still pine for the "old flame"sometimes ? Because indie publishing is soooo HARD!!!!! It's so fun and I love the control, but I'm exhausted.

I've had a great start. In 9 months, I've sold almost 15,000 books (5,000 just since September) but I admit I still feel a need to be a part of the traditional industry in some way.

As I've mentioned in the past - I wear soooooo many hats and with each book that comes out - those hats multiply exponentially. I have tried to put things in place to help to lighten my load but I'd admit - I over commit and there is always so much to do. Especially in marketing, which I have a hard time not doing. It's in my blood.

For example - today I want to do write but I have to gather and track my quarterly reports just to keep on top of my sales. And this is for every channel (which there are more than 5 for me right now)


My intern, Kate, has helped keep me stay organized. Love her!  But that is only a few hours a week. I miss those days of my agent cheering me on, giving me advice, complimenting my writing, and standing behind me. I miss having that one person on my side. At times, when I get tired, I find myself wishing I had someone invested in me again, someone that believed in me and my writing. Someone besides me and my mother :)

To keep self pubbing, I have to stay on it every day.

And some days I just want to write. Or breathe. Or watch TV or just be lazy.

But there are always many, many on my To Do list. And they all seem urgent with some kind of timeline. Besides PTA, family, personal, and girl scout stuff, there is all the other stuff that comes with self pubbing - the stuff beyond writing and promotion. And you have to do them all -  across several different projects. Keeping it all straight is almost impossible.

No matter what the opinion is, indie pubbing gets lonely and difficult. And it's HARD doing it all on your own. It's like owning your own business and it's growing but you can't hire any employees because it is not a guarantee.

I'm not saying traditional is not hard. But in self pubbing - you are a one man show. Always. For everything.


Walking the fence


Even as I pave my own way or find some level of success in this crazy publishing biz, at times, I still feel like the "odd man out" - on both sides.

In general, the traditional side of me questions some parts of self pubbing - how it is flooding the book world with a lot of "not so great" stuff. So, part of me wants a traditional publishing opportunity (that many self published authors don't agree with at all) so I can be the best I can be. I'm a good writer but I still make mistakes and I want to learn more.

But, then there is my self pubbing side which questions the validity of the traditional vetting process and the growth opportunities for authors (which of course many traditional authors don't agree with at all ).


So because of this outlook, I don't feel like I really belong to either side of the fence, therefore, always feel slightly awkward. Whether I am at a school visit or selling books at a conference. It's like high school all over again. I was a cheerleader but didn't really fit in b/c it wasn't quite me and you could tell. Yet because I was a cheerleader, other kids avoided me just because of the stereotype of a cheerleader. I should have just stuck with soccer or music.

It's hard to want both in this industry. It's like a war or something - everyone saying I "have" to choose. So what ends up happening is I sometimes get the feeling of walking down the middle and both sides firing because they don't know whose side you are on. Yet I don't want to put down either side and I want to be a part of both sides.

What about strategic decisions?

I believe there is a specific place for everything.


Why can't my decision to self pub just be a simple strategic decision in my career as an author? Why does it have to be one or the other based on opportunity or skill?

Self pubbing doesn't have to be a "way out" - you do skip the agent/editorial vetting process (no matter if you even want it) but it's hard to stand out. Hard to do it all on your own. The readers are the vetters. And trust me, indie authors can't get away with anything. Whether it is a couple of typos that slipped through your copyeditors fingers or the stigma, it always hangs over you.

Yet, trust me, for most self pubbing is definitely  not a "way in" either - generally it isn't a way in to traditional anyway so don't go into it for that. Agents and editors generally aren't seeking self pubbed books to redo. That is a very small percentage. And no matter what you hear, it's not 15,000 copies that gets you there, it is mostly luck or 100,000 sales with some press.

Self pubbing is about what works best. it's not always fair just like traditional pubbing.  In indie publishing - certain books sell better than others. YA suspense, contemporary, paranormal, and romance. New adult and adult romance as well as adult thrillers. Like it or not, you can have the best historical fiction but chances are it won't do great in indie pubbing.

What is my future? (rhetorical question ;)

Well, I am not someone who can just write to sell. To stay with the same series even though it makes money. That is probably good business sense for self pubbers and works well for many but I have other ideas I want to put out.

From a marketing perspective - some of my books just don't make sense to self pub and some do. Not all of my work would fit on both sides anyway. So why not choose some for one side and some for the other side?

So today, I am making my declaration public to the universe - I want both! Is that so bad? There are pros and cons to both sides and I want to experience both because sometimes you can only go so far unless you learn failure and success in new ways.

Yet I wonder if there is a place in the middle for hybrid authors to take the best of both worlds.

That one special project

Now I have one special project that could go either way in this industry. It's now choosing the way that is the hardest thing.

I have a new project - a timely YA cyber thriller that I think has great potential - but which way do I go? Do I self pub it and continue down that path knowing how hard it is? Knowing that sometimes there is only so far you can get on your own? Possibly limiting my readership potential due to limited distribution.

Or do I query agents/editors and start all over again? Knowing the book is timely and probably shouldn't wait 2 years. Yet knowing it has huge commercial potential.

And then if I go traditional with this story... do I query under an alias and hide all my sale information to get away from the stigma? Because like it or not - there is a stigma - whether you have great sales or not. Or should I proudly use my name and sales, knowing it could impact my book's chances. Maybe I should just hope to find someone who can look past the stigma of self publishing and focus on my skill and the book's merit. See my self pubbing as a win/a strength more than a weakness.

I've decided I want to be a hybrid author. Someone who is on the fence doing both - but committed to putting out good out books in the best way. Whether that is possible or not is the question.

This is not a popular view. I tend to choose those somehow. Many self pubbed authors want you to commit to self publishing, while many traditional authors say you are a sell out if you choose self pubbing. In addition, many agents and editors say you can't have it both ways.

I say why not? I truly see benefits in walking the fence.

How is now my question.

Things to do while waiting.....and waiting....and waiting

It seems in this business we are constantly waiting for something to happen. No matter what phase you are in - there is probably some sort of waiting going on:

waiting to finish
waiting for beta reader
waiting for feedback
waiting for agent
waiting for editors
waiting for emails
waiting for computer to be fixed
waiting for conferences

Sometimes the "waiting" gets to me. To where I just want to scream.

Here are all the things I do while waiting....

organize closets
go through kids old clothes and pack up small ones
clean
complain
surf (the internet though I guess surfing on the coast of CA would be nice too)
Talk on the phone
Make new "friends" on Facebook
Blog
Tweet
organize closets...again
read...read...read
work on next book
catch up on TV
play with kids
check email
check other email
decide to cook a homemade meal
burn homemade meal
order meal
make picture albums (or at least 1/2 of one)
curse industry for being so dang slow
write another book
line edit past books
read old rejection letters
burn old rejection letters
Come up with 10 reasons why I still need to wait
organize closets
"research new book" - which really means surf Internet (hey - it adds 1 more thing to my list.)
mail out prizes that were won a month ago
catch up on Bookanistas posts
organize kitchen drawers
catch up on laundry
obsess over Publishers Marketplace
obsess over statcounter

and then.....

wait some more.

What do you do while you are waiting for something to happen?

Agents Insider 411

I thought I would outline a few things to remember for AFTER you get an agent. I wanted to give some inside scoop to having an agent and working on the submission process to editors.

I know there is a lot here so I'm sorry for the length, but I felt it was more important to share the things I was surprised about once I got an agent. So bookmark me for late night reading :) Keep in mind, this is my opinion. Everyone has one!

1. The saying is not "Happily Agent after" - Don't think that once you get an agent, you are done with the hard part in this process we call publishing. Oh Contrare Monfrare! Once you get an agent. Your book does not sail into the sunset from there. Getting an agent - is really only the beginning of this long journey. You still have edits and waiting and pressure and disappointment. The only difference is that now you have someone by your side (besides your mother and husband) who believes in you and your book as much as you do.

2. Your book is never done! - I have stopped tweeting the following statement "Yay! I'm done! Onto the next one." Why? because I've been "done" now a few times and I'm pretty sure I'm still not quite "done". In reality, I don't think you are "done" until your book is in print and even then, i think sometimes you have to revise for your foreign versions. Just say, "I'm done for now." Then you won't be disappointed or frustrated. But expect rounds and rounds of revisions with agents and editors before submission (sub), during sub,after sub, after contract, for foreign sales etc. Some agents don't do many edits but more and more are in this environment. Just know, your book will be better and you will grow as a writer.

3. Agents know things you don't! If an agent makes a decision that impacts your book's process at whatever stage it is in. Know that they have a whole lot of factors going into that decision that you might not know about. They live in this business everyday. They know things. Secret things. Unspoken rules. Secret handshakes. Coded messages. Things you and I will never know. Trust me, there is a whole secret society and set of rules that agents and editors live by that we do not see. Nor will we ever.

4. You have to trust your agent. This is why interviewing agents first is totally critical in your success. You HAVE to understand their communication process and style and submission process. B/c when things are happy, so are you and your agent. But if things get tough, and they will, you HAVE to trust your agent - their advice and their process. The reason we all get an agent is so they can help us visit/tour/stay in the Land of Publishing. Your agent is the guide and you are the tourist. You know where you want to go but they know how to get you there.

5. Be careful who you listen to. "They" are not always right. Rachel Gardner post about this today. Rumors go around that put doubts in authors minds. Rumors about agents, rumors about editors or houses, rumors about the process, rumor about books, rumors about authors, rumors about advances, rumors about rumors - blah blah. There are a 1,001 differing opinions and 1,000,000,001 ways to get published. Not everyone has the same experience, including agents or editors. You have your own path, don't let yourself get pulled onto someone elses's.

6. Revisions- quality not quantity. You will get "deadlines" from agents on when to turn your book back in. If the date is unrealistic - make sure you talk about it with your agent. Those dates are NOT set in stone. I hate pushing back on deadlines. I don't want anyone to think I'm slow or a slacker! I've learned that agents "suggest" deadlines and expect you to push back if its not realistic. You will not get in trouble if you don't meet them. Don't rush the changes or force your writing. Because, trust me, it will come back anyway. I realize now it is more irritating to an agent to have to send the book back. They are not impressed with fast turn-arounds if you miss something. So slow down and take your time. Sometimes the best moments in your book comes with time and sitting on it.

7. What exactly is a revision and how to deal? This was an eyeopener for me. Revisions are NOT just line edits and a comment here or there. When you sign on with a agent who edits. Revisions can be things like change your ending, this character sux, work on this, rework this. It is a 4 or 5 page editorial letter. Don't attack your agent for their letter or advice. I have found my first reaction to myself is always - i can't do that or that is crazy! But once I calm down and try it - it works so much better! and my book is better. So keep an open mind with revisions.

8. Express Yourself. Agents work for you just as much as you work for them. I think some people just grab an agent up b/c they offer. Because we try so hard, we grab the first think that comes. But as dating, we all know that doesnt mean "the first guy who asks you out" is right for you. Be sure you interview and ask questions. Hard questions. You need to know your communication styles and expectations match and compliment each other. I'm sure this pertains to editors too. You need to express your book and career visions and be sure you are on the same page. Be sure to say what you want or need to know and why. And find out the same from them. Here's a great article on how to choose the right agent. You need to decide if they are right for you. Because if they arent', those issues will only magnify as things get more stressful. A mismatch is worse than no match. When someone told me that - I used to always think "Yeah right easy for you to say, you have an agent!" But it really is true! Be sure you're clear all this stuff BEFORE you sign. This questioning helped me choose the right agent.

9. Know the plan for your book/career. Now, some authors may disagree, but personally I do not think it is plain business smart to be involved (at an appropriate level) in some of the strategy decisions or in the planning process for your own book. Do you want to railroad over them or boss them around? No! because they know the business!!! But why would you not want to know the rejections, the editors, the houses, the plan? Would you send your kid to a nanny without finding out more about how they handle kids. Would you hand your money over to a financial advisor without asking about the investments he/she is planning for you? I think the more you know, the better. Just b/c you ask questions, does not mean, you do not trust your agent!! It means you CARE about your future in this business and are an active participant in partnering with your agent to make it happen. To me, a good agent should not MIND answering questions that you feel you need to ask. I'm happy to go where my agent wants me to - as long as I understand where I am going and why.

10. You should never be afraid of your agent. Your agent is like your 'business partner'. You have to trust them through the good times and hard times. If you're afraid to voice your opinion - you should not be with them. You should not be afraid to speak up or contact your agent if you have a valid reason. Not every day and obviously in a respectful way. To "professionally discuss" why, when, how, and what. I personally think a good agent would respect and honor that (Again, professional is key). Most agents don't want you to be intimidated and want you to feel comfortable with them.

11. You are not the only one. This is so hard to keep in mind as you continue through your publishing journey. Your agent has other clients, a boss, colleaques, a family. Guess what? They have a life outside of your books, publishing dreams, and revisions goals. WHAT!? I know that is hard to believe b/c we breathe our books, our writing. But it its true. Your agent has about 20-40 Yous reacting the same way you are. They only have so much time - so pick your battles. If you become annoying, you are doing yourself any favors. On the other hand, if you don't hear from them timely, it could be a problem.

12. They want your book to sell just as much as you. Agents (and editors) want to sell your book as much as you do. Agents don't get paid until you do. Agents have to query just like we do. Agents have to accept rejection just like we do. Agents get excited about successes just like we do.They have to read your book a gazillion times, listen to you moan, respond to all your annoying emails, keep you calm, answer questions - all on a hope and a prayer that your book will sell. They hate rejection just as much as we do. They care about our books just as much as we do. None of them want us to fail. Because then they fail too.

13. Don't be a hound dog. Don't shoot off 100 emails a day. This sounds like "duh!!" but seriously it is soooooo hard when you start freaking out about something you heard or read or saw or think. Probably worse when you are on sub b/c everything takes so long. But use your support group to vent, freak out, cry and solicit advice. Go to all of your support people BEFORE you go to your agent. Agents are not your therapists, your BFF, or your mother. Also - when you send an email, try to save it and wait to reread. Email is tricky and innocent things can come off completely wrong. I personally think its better to talk on the phone but that is not always possible. Another thing, try to keep emails short and to the point. They dont have time to read a 8 page letter and they probably dont really care what you did last weekend.

14. Run future projects by your agent. Kirsten White did a great post awhile back on this. Of course we all want to write the book that is in our hearts. I do too. I don't want someone telling me what to write. But from a business/marketing side - you have to consider what is selling. I think its important to have a discussion with a perspective agent or your agent about what you want to or are working on next. I'm not saying write what they want you to write. But, i think as your agent, they deserve to be involved (just like you do in their process) since they're time and energy goes into it as well. If you have differing opinions - it could be a problem but better to have that discussion on word 1,000 than on word 80,000.

15. Try not to worry about your agent dropping you. Getting an agent does not mean you will sell your book easily. yes it opens doors. But there is always a possibility - especially in this market - that you will not sell. Know that if you get the RIGHT agent, most WILL stick by you. Most will not drop you. Most will help you with your next project. I think that fear always lingers. "Will my agent drop me?" I don't think they do unless something is seriously wrong in the relationship. So just know, if you don't sell and you have the right agent, you will be OK and move onto the next project. There are tons of authors out there who did NOT sell their first book and their agent stuck by them to sell their next project.

16. Be patient. If you push at this process, it will crush you. You have to try and be patient. Trust me, it is soooooo hard. Especially when people around you get deals or get agents or finish books faster than you. I have found that if you push at this process, the process only gets longer and slower. Try to breathe and know things will happen for you when they are supposed to. There is only so much you or your agent can do. Timing comes into play. Finding the right house or editor comes into play. Then something bigger takes over to create that serendipitous moment. Try to relax. Easy to say, hard to do.

If any other agented authors have some tips, please put them in the comments.

What did you learn? What were you surprised about? What do you wish you had asked an agent when you got an offer?

Show agents the love!

The fantabulous Kody Keplinger pulled together several authors to create something called Agent Appreciation Day. Of course, I joined in. After all, I love my agent! I posted this a few days ago and knew it would fit in perfectly.

If you want to read some other posts and pass the agent love around, visit Lisa and Laura - as they've been great enough to create one comprehensive list!

Because I love my agent, so let me count the ways...

1) She is positive - trust me you need this!

2) She knows her stuff. I find myself going "wow I didn't know that" every time we speak or email. And i think I'm pretty up on the industry as much as I can be. She is a bundle of information. I'm talking like she is the dictionary for the publishing industry.

3) She loves my book and my writing. That makes 2 of us :) Not counting my mother or my dog of course!

4) She cracks me up! Wanna know her brilliant thoughts about book rejections -"It always sucks when someone says your baby is ugly." (funny right!)

5) She is (currently) not into the whole social networking thang. Which I find refreshing since I am all in everyone's business. (Pssst. I am determined to convert her! She just doesn't know it yet)

6) She is passionate. I love this about her because it shows.

7) She has the confidence to put me in my place. "Um, you need to relax." (true, so true)

8) She answers all my questions - in detail and doesn't mind. She even asks me if I have any questions! That never happens to me. Usually people are running from my inquisitive nature. Either that or cowering from my Spanish Inquisitions.

9) She works hard for me (and I'm sure all her clients). She turns around revisions in record time. Like before I can breath. I always tell my hubby that my book is like a boomerang with her. Just as I send it out...bam...it comes back all marked up with great suggestions.

10) She has great ideas! I think I might have to list her as a co-author.

11) She watches as many movies and TV shows as I do. Which makes for fun conversations. When we are trying to compare scenes, we constantly throw around references. That's rare to find.

12) She is the fastest emailer in the NYC area. Almost as fast as me and trust me - that is lightening fast. She always responds so quickly even when I know she's slammed.

13) Did I mention, she loves my writing?

14) She always has time for me. On phone or on email.

15) She is a great editorial agent. I know that if she likes my book, it's good. I love knowing when my book goes out, it is clean and to her standards.

16) She makes me a better writer.

So, when you are looking for an agent, use this as a checklist.

I've heard horror stories about agents and how they treat their clients. How they rank their clients by advance amounts. I've heard of people regretting taking on their agent and dumping their agent because they didn't support them.

This is not my experience!

I'm so lucky to have Alyssa. Just in 6 months, my writing has gotten so much better. I obviously have a long road ahead of me but knowing she is by my side, makes this journey so much better. (Hopefully, she feels the same - gulp!)

Agents work their butts off, get chewed out, and take big chances on people like me. They act as our advocates and pretty much a professional therapist to us in a certain sense. And they do all this for very little in return. They do it because they love it. Because they don't get paid until you or I get paid. And just like you and me, they are committed, they put in the time and effort, and throw in just as much of the blood, sweat, and tears as we do. They get just as upset at rejections as we do. Our "babies" become their step children. They care just as much as we do.

Everyday, they fight for what they believe in and love.

Sometimes it works out for them and pays off, but sometimes it doesn't.

I think we spend too much time bitching about what they don't do and seem to forget what they do everyday. All day.

They fight for the books they love to get published.

So.... be sure to show your agents the love and maybe you'll get some back!

What a difference a Year makes

I was going back over my posts from last year and realized how far I have come in my writing journey in just a year.

Last year, around this time, I made a serious commitment to myself and the writing process. Prior to that I had dabbled, quit, returned, dabbled, and quit again. (oh yeah, I also quit a big time corporate job, had 2 kids, helped my hubby through a major back surgery, and had 6 months of vertigo)

But, last fall, I learned my writing buddy, Lindsey Leavitt, signed the final contract on her Princess for Hire deal (that went to auction!).

Her deal and journey made me realize something. "I can do this!"

You see Lindsey and I for a long time were in a similar space. In 2007, I had met her at her first SCBWI conference, which was the first conference I was also speaking at. We were reading the Twilight series at the time (along with a few BILLION other people.) So when her book sold to Hyperion, it was the first person I knew to get a real book deal.

I thought, "Wow! You mean this really happens? To people I know?" That was a HUGE eye opener for me.

Last October, I met her for coffee/chit chat after a SCBWI conference. She gave me some praise, some great advice, some pointers and most of all, hope, that it could happen for me. She really got me back on track.

So without Lindsey - and my critique group - I would not be here today. (Yes Lindsey, it's true. Stop shaking your head at me. Don't be so modest!)

After shelving one book along with many many rejections and working for 4 years to get published, last November, I finally queried my second novel "Grace Under Fire" to agents for the first time. I also rededicated myself to learning the ins and outs of the publishing business as well as jumpstart my blog again.

Here's everything I have done in just one year:

• Met my first Blogger Buddies: Carrie Harris, Casey McCormick, Chandler Craig, and Corey Schwartz, Sherrie Solvang, Suzanne Young, Plot This girls (BTW - Happy Bday Katie! :)
  
• Reignited blog - 0 followers
  
• queried "Grace Under Fire" for first time
  
• got full requests
• got vertigo
• got my first gray hair - ok third but whos counting
  
• First Marketing Blog interview with Chandler Craig -
  
• got rejections - including a personal one from Alyssa (my agent)
  
• started marketing series on my blog - about 50 followers, only about 2 comments a day
• got more rejections
• had hubby cit me off from having a 3rd baby. dolls will have to do.
  
• ran a Commenting contest - followers increased to 100
• started Facebook and Twitter
• pissed off my hair dresser and got banned from the salon
  
• Started "On the Bright Side - initially a YA
  
• joined Publishers weekly and Publishers Marketplace
• personal rejection with opportunity to resubmit
  
• revised Grace's entire plot
• another gray hair - obviously my old hairdresser's fault
  
• Resubmitted to agent who asked for book to be redone
• Changed On the Brights Side to MG/tween - wrote 100 pages
  
• requeried all agents who gave me personal rejections - all said yes and asked for a partial of Bright as well
  
• ran Follower Contest - followers increased to 200
• changed my diet
  
• vertigo went away - thank the lord!
• made tons and tons of wonderful blogger buddies
  
• Got an offer for representation- What!
  
• Another offer- What?
  
• a couple more offers - Shut up!
  
• Chose Alyssa!!! yay!
  
• Went to LA and got requests from editors for books
• Hung out with Katie and SF
• Met my now soul sister Kimberly Derting who I adore to death!
  
• Shelved Grace and wrote rest of Bright
• Revised bright at least 10 times
  
• Just went out on sub to publishers
• Just had my 40,000 visitor on my blog and 350 followers.
  

Last year, I never thought I would be here today. I wondered if I would EVER get an agent! I never thought I would write another book in less than a year.

Who knows where I will be next year.

So hang in there and stay positive! You have to keep going. Especially if you love to write as much as me.

Because by this time next year, you will be so much further than you are today.

And who knows where that will be!!!!

Here's to another great year and many more successes!

Here's to your dream!

I hope one day, someday, I can give back to each of you in some small way. Even if it is by giving you the hope (like Lindsey did for me) that you too - can reach your writing dream.

Good luck! :)

Release and Surrender

Last week, I had a minor panic attack about the whole publishing business.

As I get closer to sending "my baby" out into the big world of publishing, the reality hits me.

This is it! This is where the rubber meets the road (I sound like my dad!). This is where everything I've done the last few years, the sacrifices I have made, the ones my family have made comes down to this moment in time.

The prospect of getting published someday suddenly freaks me out!

For the past 5 years, I've dreamed of writing a kick-butt book, getting an agent, going out on submission. I've dreamed of agents fighting over me, editors wanting my book. Authors wishing to blurb. I even dreamed of going to auction. Dreamed of finally making some money off my writing.

I've dreamed of becoming a published author.

It was nothing but hope that got me to where I am today.

Now, there is no going back. No do-over's. No more room for dreaming.

My dream either "will or will not" become my true reality. How that happens remains to be seen.

But the reality is - sometimes it does and then sometimes it doesn't. You never know.

This business is finicky and no matter how great your writing is or your idea, sometimes your dream flies and sometimes it floats around, sometimes it hits the dirt.

That is the reality.

My problem? Reality is not an option for me. Never has been. I dream big. And I dont' give up those dreams for a dumb thing called "reality".

I've resorted to doing Bikram Yoga to get the weight off my chest. The heavy one that makes me feel as if I cannot breathe. The one that comes from excitement mixed with anxiety mixed with fear.

This has happened to me throughout my journey. I got this same way when I was looking for an agent. I got to a point where I could not sleep, could not stop checking my statcounter or email, could not write. And I could not breath.

I got so attached to the outcome. I eventually said out loud one day, "It doesn't matter what happens. I will write no matter what anyway. I need to just let go of my attachment to the result and enjoy the journey."

Because you know what? The journey is fun...if you let go of stressing about the end result. There is no end result. There are just milestones.

Well let me tell you that "feeling" doesn't go away after you finish a book or even get an agent. That feeling is a shapeshifter and it somehow comes back to you in a different form. It comes back in disguise. And it took me a while to realize it.

My friend asked me the other day - "So writing makes you so anxious, why do it?"

I said, "It doesn't make me anxious until I think about the publishing side of it."

She simply said, "Then don't think about that."

And it dawned on me. She's right. Why am I hanging on so tightly to being published. As if it ends there?

I have to let that go. I have to have faith and enjoy the process. Because - let me tell you - so far the process itself has been fun. Hard. But FUN. As long as I release my focus on an end result or unrealistic expectations - I am so happy and calm.

Yesterday, with a friend ) I pull a Tarot card from my Angel deck someone gave me when I got an agent (for my angel book).

(I dont live by these things, but I do think it's fun to believe in that stuff - dreams, tarot cards, numerology, astrology readings, signs from the universe ect. You name it. Anything that can possibly give me any additional insight into my future or path, is welcome. please don't unfollow me for this!!! :)

Guess what card I got (out of like 100 cards).

Release and Surrender.

Here is what it said:

"Open your arms and release the challenges that you've held so tightly within your hands. Open your hands, arms, mind and heart to assistance. You have been trying to control a situation in your life. You must emotionally let go and have faith that a higher power can do a better job. Surrendering does not mean you are giving up, it just assures you of happiness and a better outcome. Don't worry about how your question will be answered. Release the need for control and trust all will work out."

It's so true. We hold on so tightly to outcomes that we freak ourselves out along the way.

I let go during the writing process and wrote a godo book. I let go during the agent process and and got an amazing agent. I let go during my revisions process and my book evolved.

Now, I am going to do it again.

I am letting go of expectations, fame, fortune, and my tight attachment to outcomes and results. I am going back to enjoying the process.

Because the truth is - when I focus on the writing and how I feel when I am doing it. My heart is full and I am elated. The minute I take myself out of the journey to try and see, predict or guess what the future holds or where I will be, I feel as if a weight drops from the sky and lands on my chest.

So today, I release and surrender.

Why you DON'T want to get published

Marketing Muse

Promote your book signings!!!!! Do not expect the libraries and bookstores or your publicist to do it. If they do - great you are ahead of the game. If you want people, they will not come unless you tell them about it ahead of time! There will always be some kind of marketing you can do to get the word out. But you have to plan ahead. Newsletters, local newspapers, email distribution, blog announcements, signs, etc

Why you DON'T want to get published!

OK - So I read this post and it is hilarious! But I betcha it is true.

Made me feel better about not already being on the shelves. Whew! takes off some of the pressure. (Yeah right!)

For those of you sick of this entire publishing process - because let's face it, it is not easy - this one's for you!

Why You DON'T Want to Get published - From a publishing intern.

Enjoy!