3 S.R. Johannes: MommyFail or Mommysuccess?

Monday, May 10, 2010

MommyFail or Mommysuccess?

Update: I've donated a marketing pkg that includes a consultation plus a piece of swag (book marker, postcard etc). The proceeds go to the Do It Write For Nashville that benefits the Nashville flood victims.

If the bid gets to 300$, I'll add in custom twitter background. And if it gets to 500$, I'll add in a custom biz card design.

Also - check out my interview about how marketing helped me in the publishing business over at Writer Musing. Thanks Tabitha!

I have never been someone who thought I would be great at being a mom. And since I've had kids, I'm sure other would say my #mommyfails are off the charts.

1) Patience of a Saint? #mommyfail! I have no patience. I'm the person who pops the toast early.

2) Craft Mom? #mommyfail! I am soooooooo not crafty. To me, using a crayon is an art. This includes sewing buttons, hemming, making American Girl clothes. Nuttin honey!

3) Kids are the center of my world? #mommyfail! Yes, I can be a bit self-centered. It's just now, it's with a kid. I go to story time at B&N so I can look at books in the kid section while my kids listen to other people read. I'm still working on it.

4) Mommy Speak? #mommyfail! I don't enjoy talking about my kids all day, every day. Really I don't. And, when I go out with my friends, I don't want to hear about their friends kids even more. I dont' want to compare nap schedules, poop routines, and discipline techniques from Supernanny.

5) Mommy and Me? #mommyfail! I do not attend these classes. One because on a grammar level - its just plain wrong. Two - I do not like to sing in large groups. Three, they lie - it is not just Mommy and me - its 20 other mommies and their 20 kids. I prefer to conduct my own classes at home. Cheaper and quieter. I heard once that the class should be changed to: "Scared Sh*tless women who have kids and are going out of their freaking' minds so they need to get out of the house before they go certifiably nuts" class. Wait, maybe that's too long for a brochure.

7) Mommy clothes? #mommyfail! I've never bought into mommy jeans, mommy hair cuts, and mommy stores. Excuse me but I don't want to LOOK like I haven't had sex in a couple months. Whether I have or not.

8) Hot mamma? #mommyfail! I'd like to think I've "still got it" and maybe to my husband I still do. But at for drinks, going to concerts, I realize the phrases like MILF and "hot mama," do not apply to me. Being a mommy is only sexy to us and our husbands. And that might only be b/c we take care of their kids so they pretend we're as hot as we used to be.

Now don't go calling DFAX.

I feed my kids. Even if it is from a microwave.

I pack their lunch. Even if it is a lunchable.

I read them books. Even if it is the same one every night.

I bathe them. Even if it is every OTHER night.

I sacrifice writing, sleep, and exercise to make sure they are happy. Even though I may grumble about it sometimes.

But I love my kids more than my life. I mean, I've given it up, haven't I? ;)

Besides, if any of you tried to harm them, I would personally gouge your heart out with my son's Elmo knife and serve it on my daughter's Dora plate.

See? I'm a good mommy.

Who says these things are all #mommyfails??

So #mommyfail or not.

I have realized I cannot let others tells me what a #mommysuccess looks like.

Except my kids :)

What about you? Any #mommyfails you want to come clean on? Go ahead, set yourself free!


Ryan S. Kinsgrove said...

Please allow me to use death by Elmo knife in one of my stories. Its Awesome!!!

S.A. Larsenッ said...

I completely changed my mommy output after I had #4. With the first two, I did the crafts, projects, smiled pretty all the time, read stories, and fretted over the slightest dirt on their hands. With #3, I slowly swayed from that, but still felt like 'perfection' (in whose eyes, though), was necessary.

But with #4, all that tossed out the window. Hah, my motto now is "If he swallowed the penny, it WILL eventually come out the other end, and dirt on his hands is healthy."

Natalie Aguirre said...

Great post. I don't think we have to be completely focused on our kids to be good moms. I think it is good for them and us to see that we have other interests in our lives, such as a career and a dream to write. It also will help when we need to let them become independent. Believe me, it creeps up on us quicker than we'd like.

Unknown said...

We're on a family camping trip right now. Instead of taking my two-year-old to the showers, we emptied out a huge plastic storage bin and put some warm water in it for an outdoor bath.

As my little girl splashed, completely naked in the middle of a RV park, I wondered if I should have been embarrassed.

Candyland said...

Wow this couldn't be more true! It's okay to *not* be perfect. I think we feel so much pressure from everywhere, but it's great you know who you are, and that your kids love you the way you are.

Anonymous said...

Frankly I am totally amazed and impressed that you can take care of your kids and get anything else done. I can barely take care of my cats, and they're self-cleaning. You get a gold star in my book. :)

DL Hammons said...

Don't worry...my list of #daddyfails would dwarf your #mommyfails...and my kids couldn't be any happier! :)

Kerri Cuev said...

Lol! I was actually excited it rained and baseball was canceled. Shhhh don't tell the kids lol!

Yat-Yee said...

You go! Don't let other people define for you what MommySuccess look like. Craft and classes will never hold a candle to heart-gouging!

Anonymous said...

Sometimes, I just have to stop comparing myself to other super mommies - or woman who appear to be super mommies. I can only be myself. And be happy.

But my #mommy fail - is that I can't read aloud to them very long - I totally fall asleep.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes, I just have to stop comparing myself to other super mommies - or woman who appear to be super mommies. I can only be myself. And be happy.

But my #mommy fail - is that I can't read aloud to them very long - I totally fall asleep.

lotusgirl said...

I see your Mommy saintness and raise you an overflowing clothes hamper and dirty dishes in the sink.

Susan R. Mills said...

I pull the clean clothes out of the dryer and leave them on the floor for my kids to rummage through. Hey, they survive, and they never leave the house naked.

Kelly Polark said...

I am a bit too into my kids that I am too overprotective at times.
I have used cartoons as a babysitter occasionally.
I am terrible at girlie hair do's. Luckily my daughter likes to do her own!
There is more. We all have more!

Shannon O'Donnell said...

I think #mommyfails are a requirement of motherhood. To raise your kids without them is a federal offense, punishable by death!

Loved your interview @ Tabitha's, btw. :-)

Vicky Alvear Shecter said...

Thank goodness for mommyfails. Can you imagine the pressure on kids if their mommies really WERE perfect? As for me, my fails are endless. The latest--forgetting to check the "Parent Portal" to check in on his work and grades. Other mommies do it nightly!

Ann Marie Wraight said...


Oh, mommyfails - ALAS, ALAS!!
my little son doth bare his ASS
When mommy shouts, "Thy dirty socks
DON'T wear them to thy judo class!!

He mocketh me, and tease me hard
when pointing to my butt, "That's lard!!"
I tell him off - but dost no good
He isn't as an ANGEL should...

BUT, sweet revenge in MOMMY's hands
Ha, I AM the clev'rest in the land!
At night he sleeps so unaware
His MOM steals chocolate for a dare!

Listen to me, my friend SHELLI
Don't wag your finger at my belly!
A crap Mom - YES, I MAY be,
BUT stolen chocolate causes GLEE!!

Hope you liked it...yes my youngest son is going through a phase of flashing his bum at me when I tell him off....damn, must be the combination of his father's Greek and my iffy Brit genes...and YES - many times when I'm writing till the early hours - do I get my sons caches of choco.....and then blame their Dad...BWHAAAWAWAaw

SERIOUSLY NOW - your interview was FAB at Tabitha's!

Jemi Fraser said...

Lord - I've had a lot of #mommyfails in my time! But in the big picture I must have had some #mommysuccesses too because they're growing into some mighty fine adults :)

Jenna Wallace said...

The freedom to come clean on #mommyfails... where do I start?

Eating half the kids' halloween candy under the guise protecting my nut-allergic son.

Telling the kids that the school fair was closed that night due to rain, even though it only rained 20 minutes. In the morning.

Going from homemade organic baby food to Lunchables and Koolaid in under five years.

But they are happy, healthy and still seem to love me, so let's hear it for #mommyfail!

Carolyn V. said...

Instead of taking the time to sew a pig costume, I superglued it. #mommyfail...but it worked and I still have it in the dress up box...#mommysave? I'm not sure.

Gail said...

You're not a bad mommy, you're just giving your kids thngs to tease you about!

Those are two cutie patooties in that picture!!!!

Corey Schwartz said...

So darn cute! And funny! And true!!! I have so many #Mommyfails I don't even know where to start!

Julie Hedlund said...

My #mommyfails are identical to yours:

No patience? Check

Not crafty? Check

Like to keep some semblance of self? Check

Prefer to talk about books, politics, and adult topics rather than potty training? Check

Mommy and Me? I sent my daughter with her nanny. My son never went.

Blackballing mommy clothes? Check!

Not so hot mamma? Check Check!

However, I don't think these are so much #mommyfails as #mommysetstheexampleoftheimportanceofhavingalifeevenafterkids - lol!

Kelly H-Y said...

None to add ... you've covered them all for me! I'm with ya! I can't even stand the phrase 'play date'.