RIP Bud - The Best Dog-Gone Friend

A Dog's Prayer

To Those Who Love Me

When I am gone, release me, let me go-
I have so many things to see and do.
You must not tie yourself to me with tears,
Be happy that we had so many years.
I gave you my love, you can only guess
How much you gave me in happiness.
I thank you for the love you have each shown.
But now it is time I traveled alone.
So grieve awhile for me if grieve you must,
Then let your grief be comforted by trust,
It is only for a while that we must part,
So bless the memories within your heart,
I will not be far away, for life goes on,
So if you need me, call and I will come.
Though you can not see or touch me, I will be near.
And if you listen with your heart, you will hear
All my love around you soft and clear.
And then, when you must come this way alone,
I will greet you with a smile and "Welcome Home".
-author unknown

Dear Bud -

Thanks for the memories. For all the times you dried my tears. For the times you made me laugh. For the times you made sure I was not alone. Thank you for 16 years of happiness and loyal friendship. I will miss you sleeping by my feet, comforting me on rainy days.

When I had no one, I had you.

It's time for me to release you so you can go be free. Free without pain. Free to live a young life. Free to be with your best friend, Connor, again.

I love you and will never forget you.

DogGoneDays

Today is supposed to be a post for the Bookanistas but my heart is a little too heavy for it.

My dog, Bud, is not doing well.

My dog is losing his spunk, his zest for life, his bowel function when he sleeps, and he can barely walk, see or hear. The one thing that keeps me filled with hope is that he still eats and steals food from everyone. I always felt as long as he was eating, he'd be ok.

I always prayed I would not have to make a decision regarding my dogs' passing. I mean it's not my job right? Its not in my human job description. But as my dog withers away, I'm faced with the question -

how do you know when it's time to let go?

I'm conflicted. I dont want to help him pass out of this world and into another - out of convenience or even too soon. But I also dont want him to suffer in any way.

A couple years ago, my boxer went quietly into the night. He was fine one day, the next morning my daughter and I found him in his bed - he had died in his sleep. Besides seeing both my grandparents die when I was little, I hadn't faced death in a long time before my dog. At least not with anyone close to me. At the time, I took my Boxer's death hard. I had NO idea he was leaving us - he was happy the day before - and I felt like there was so much left unsaid. So much love that I hadn't shown. I felt guilty that I hadn't given him tons of time the days or weeks before b/c of the busyness of being a parent to young kids. Yet at times, I was thankful he didn't suffer at all. That he had a peaceful transition.

Since that day, I've coddled my Jack Russell (who has been mine for the last 15 years) for the last 2 years. I wanted to be sure that if to be sure everything was said that needed to be said.

But now, as part of me wants my dog to move on to a happier place where he can run and stay young forever, the other part of me is afraid of making the decision to let him go. Since this has really been my dog, my husband feels (rightly so) that it is ultimately my decision. But anyone who knows knows I cant make this. I cry at commercials. I cry when I hear sad stories on the news. I cry at songs, books. And any sign of anyone or anything suffering - whether it be a dog or other animal, I lose it.

So my question - how do I know? Everyone says I will but I am wondering if that is really true. I dont think we actually know when it's a good time, I just think we come to accept that its time. But what if i make the decision and not only do it too soon, but regret it for the rest of my life. Then what? I can't take it back or do a "do-over". I have to live with that forever and wonder if I did the right thing.

I pray every night that a higher power comes in and transitions my dog before I have to make a decision on my own. Yet then I feel guilty for cutting my dog short of what could be some extra time on this Earth with me.

I'll never have a dog like this one. He was my first dog. I'd grown up with cats my whole life. My ex-fiance bought him for me in 1995 and he has been a good dog. Bud has stood by me through thick or thin. He's traveled across the country in a carry-on dog bag with me. He's driven thousands of miles with me. He licked my tears when my heart was so broken that I wondered if I'd ever be the same. He moved to the beach with me for a few months and it was just he and I and the water. He filled a space that some didn't care was empty. He was there when I got married, when both my kids were born. He was by my side helping me recover through surgeries, sadness, and loneliness. Always with a smile on his face.

Any dog we ever get again will never be just mine. Will never be the same. because you see no matter what anyone says, you can never love a dog the same after kids. Its not that you love them less, its that you realize how much you can love something more.

So I feel like I'm losing more than my dog when he goes. I feel like I'm losing a piece of me, my history, my past, my innocence, my youth. A piece that will never be the same.

I'm reminded sometimes of his funny spirit and how full of life he has always been until now. Jumping, smiling, playing, barking, scratching, jumping, eating, playing jumping eating (did I mention jumping?). When I first saw him among a litter of Jack Russells, I knew he was spunky and the one for me. He came running around the corner, bouncing like a jack rabbit with a very tiny stick in his mouth. While all the other puppies milled around my feet, Bud was the only one that demanded I give him all my attention. Clawing and begging for my attention. For me to take that stick and throw it to him. For me to share a moment with him.

And he won.

Now as my dogs spots seem to fade quickly so does his strength. And with that, so does my hope that he can stick it out just one more year. So does my hope that he too will go quietly into the night.

And in comes the reality that no one or no thing lives forever. Yet everyone and everything will live on.

I could use any advice if anyone has gone through this.

Thanks for listening. Sorry about the heavy post. I'll be back and peppy tomorrow :)

The Rat Race! And, the winner is...

No Marketing tip today: Rats!

Ratting Myself Out

I debated over the last few days on whether or not to blog about the "Rat Race" that has been going on in my house this week.

After all, its totally gross. Its embarrassing. And. let's face it - its downright nasty. But, I figured why not. I can't worry about what people think, right? It's been my whole life for the PAST WEEK. So of course, I have to blog about it.

I also felt it would give other "Rat Victims" someone to look up to. I could be an example to others. Someone who was not afraid to come forward to give others hope that all is not lost in your home, life or sofa, should a rat appear and reek havic for a few days.

This week, I've been consumed in stakeouts, stand-offs, and sabotage.

I feel like I have spent as many hours plotting the "Rat Race" as on my Ya Thriller. (not quite!) All week, I've been trying to balance humaneness with my determination to "rat"ically enforce appropriate boundaries between Rat and mankind.

So here it goes. Hopefully, I will not be judged. Hopefully, guests will still come to my house for the holidays. And, hopefully everyone will appreciate the humor in the situation.

Disclaimer: This post has been approved by hubby. The events have been slightly dramatized for effect. And, believe it or not, no Rats or Hubbies were hurt during the process. Only a few casualties resulted: hurt egos, bad feelings, and a few cushions did not make it.

The Decoy
Before I get into the story, I want to say I am utterly 100% dissapointed in my Jack Russell Terrier, Bud, for his lack of fulfilling his purpose in life. When I first bought him 14 years ago, I was told his instinct was to fight with rats, mice, and even foxes.

I want my 350$ back!

He did nothing! I know he is old and retired but come on!

This was his chance to live out his dream. His natural instinct in the wild.

And, he failed.

Next time, I am getting a cat!

PS: For Sale: 14 year old Jack Russell Terrier. Cute, Black and white, Funny, Free!, Loyal, Sweet with kids. Rats are Not included!


The White Knight

As always, Hubby steps up to the plate.

First, it is important to state that this is one of those time when I became 100% sure of what hubbies are really good for. Of course, they are good for many things (in addition to the top requirements of love, fatherhood, and companionship). Such as bringing home the bacon, yard work, hanging lights, changing bulbs, taking out the trash, grilling out, unclogging toilets, fixing flat tires, scooping doggie poop, wrestling with kids, assembling....anything, understanding and enabling electronics/technology.

Who knew, catching rats was high on the list!

These things are not my job, nor would I want it. Unless it paid more than writing of course!

Needless to say, my hubby is the one who has suffered this week on the front-line. He has suffered my complaining, sleepless nights, and a battered ego.

I was merely RATtled. In addition to suffering 2 heart attacks, an upset tummy, and a few of my favorite bohemian Indian-beaded cushions :(

Scene of the Crime
A couple weeks ago, we had some construction done in our kitchen around our stove. We've never had a rat so the necessary precautions obviously were not taken at the time.

A lesson now fully learned anf forever remembered!

That project created a small "gap" large enough for a small rodent to invite himself into our cozy Christmas house, unannounced and univited.

The unwanted guest that would not leave.

The Culprint (To protect the innocent, we have changed names. I will call him Rat.)

Thankfully, yet unfortunately, as rats go, we got the cute one. A roof rat.

Fortunately, it was not the nasty ugly one.
Unfortunately, it was not the nasty ugly. This one's expiration would not have bothered me as much as the cute one.

This was the really cute small gray one with big round ears.

The exact clone of Ratatouille. (Remind me, not to buy that movie or ever rent it again!)

This is actually the problem with kid movies humanizing animals (Nemo, Ratatouille, Babe, Chicken Little, Antz, Bugs Life, Lion King, The Bee Movie) Animals are named and given personalities. They leave a positive impression with your little ones and make you think twice about those animals when you see them. So you kinda think you like them or they are thinking just like the movie character.

At least I do. It's OK, you can call me crazy, my hubby does.

I make my hubby get "humane traps". Afterall, I can't be responsible for killing Ratatouille? How? My daughter would never again speak to me.

First let me say in my defense that Rat was very deceiving. Very cunning. Smart. Cute, small, yet destructive. Quiet, sneaky, and disrespectful.

And the worst - a picky eater. Who knew that was even possible? Which all made me relate him even more to Ratatouille.

He did not like fruit, pecans, almonds, cookies, cheese, crackers, bread - or any other "recommended Rat Food".

He did not even like organic peanut butter! What?!

He continued to slip around the traps and would not leave quietly. Yet no matter how destructive or gross this little rodent was, I didn't want to kill it. I wanted to try and be humane.

I am a sucker!

The Plot
After a few days of destruction and disrespectful excretions, my gloves came off.

It was war.

It was either him or...........my hubby. "Go get him hubby!"

Now, there was only one choice. Either my couch or the rat had to go. (PS I love my NEW $1,500 couch! So there's your answer.

It was time to Rat him out.

Friday night - we plan a stakeout. My hubby sets up a camp in the dark at the table, waiting patiently. The Plan? The Three C's . Corner, Coax and Capture. A plan we later found out had obvious downsides. A plan for failure.

I (the accomplice) go to bed and wait up silently in the room (writing/plotting on my book)for the signal.

At about 3 am in the morning, (4 hrs later) Lookout Patrol (ie my hubby) spots movement.

And, where am I? His sturdy accomplice?

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

The Weapon of Choice
Rat sneaks across the floor into the dining room, obviously knowing where my little boy sits, hoping for a fresh stash crumbs. (And, knowing my "little thrower", I am pretty positive that Rat was somehow successful in finding something I or my TERRIER dog missed).

Hubby reaches for the broom to begin his assault!

Uh oh!

No broom!

Unbeknownst to hubby, I - the sleeping accomplice - had cleaned/straightened up the house just before I went to bed. That meant I put everything back in its place, especially after cleaning. That meant the broom went back in the garage where it belonged (Right girls?).

In my defense, I had NO IDEA, the broom was my hubby's weapon of choice for the ensuing battle between modernized caveman and Rat. (My question? When a soldier prepares for battle, shouldn't they take inventory of the necessary weapons BEFORE they pick a fight? This was my #1 point in Rat argument that ensued.).

I am sure he cursed my name under his breath before moving to his fantastic plan B.

His dress shoe?!

Really? Does that work?

Answer: No.

My image of Cavemen is forever changed. They are now great dressers. Metrosexual.

The Confrontation

My hubby sneaks over to the corner with his scary, semi-automatic black leather tie-up in hand. He watches Rat move across the floor.

Rat hears hubby and freezes.

The stare-down begins.

My hubby - the Clint Eastwood of Rat Town. Rat - The Outlaw.

They have a moment. My hubby looks into the rat's beady eyes and prepares to strike.

Rat runs for couch

Hubby throws shoe......... and misses. :(

Rat runs into couch and hides in wooden corner. Let me repeat this in case you are reading too fast. Rat runs INTO MY COUCH!!!! (my point #2 in Rat argument)

Hubby pokes at Rat until Rat jumps out and runs under Stove. (Why did he not come and wake me up? 2 on 1 is always better than 1 on 1. point #3 of Rat argument)

Hubby duck tapes the bottom of the stove. And sets traps around it before climbing into bed.

The Aftermath

Next morning, when I wake up. I hear about the unsuccessful battle.

My reaction? "If he was in my couch?!We have to throw out the sofa!"

I proceeded to get on the phone with the CDC and pediatrician to find out the proper procedures in disinfecting the house to be sure we avoid any nasty stuff Rats can carry. We determine we can properly disinfect my house and couch! (CDC lady actually said. "OMG Don't throw out your couch! I wouldn't even do that." Ok, so maybe I over-reacted - its happened before and I guarantee it will happen again. I own it.

My hubby proceeds to go under house and eventually finds the escape route under the stove, sealing it up.

We get cleaners in clean entire house with with bleach water (Do not vaccum. CDC says wipe down with 10 parts water : 1 part bleach). We steam clean drapes, rugs, seats. Everything. A few cushions and a chair - we tossed to be safe. Then, we pull apart couch, take out foam and stuffing. Steam clean fabric and redo all cushions and stuffings brand new. Total about 200$, better than 1,500 but frustrating rigth before the holidays."

My hubby stays up 2 more nights until 2am on stakeouts.

No Rat.

Conclusions:
Rat slipped out hole under stove and is still-at large But outside!
Hubby went on to be a Rat expert and plays great games of Cat and mouse with kids.
Wife recovers from heart attack but is forever fearful of Ratzilla and anything Italian that resembles Ratatouille.
Kids continue to have no clue.

And, life is good and clean again.

For all those other Rat sufferers, I have set up a helpline and web site for ongoing support. http://www.ratrace.com/ and 1-800-BeatRats. :)

Just me and my dog!

Update on my book ....

I am done recutting and plotting my book.

Now comes the hard part - reading it aloud.

I am fine with reading it aloud - but to whom? (impressive grammar huh?:) So what are my options:

1) Critique Group? - Yes I have a fabulous critique group that has read about 2/3s of my book BEFORE i just replotted and rewrote the entire thing. So I cant really start over - can I? After all - to get through 35 chapters - meeting twice a month - is another 17 months! I don't want to wait that long. Call me impatient but I am ready to birth this baby and introduce it to the world.

2) My poor hubby! He'll probably be the one drafted in the end - and he would not object for fear of sleeping on the couch - but I feel sorry for him. Having almost married a well-known writer myself - I know what it is like to spend your weekend(s) and nights across long hrs drudging through dialogue over and over. My hubby has already listened to many chapters read, redone, replotted, tweaked, and then re-read again. I am pretty sure he is over my book at this point. I don't blame him. He is always supportive and probably would not admit it but I am pretty sure that he is that kid in class that when the teacher asks a question. He waits to see if anyone else will raise their hand first. BTW - everything to him is "great writing sweetie" or "I think it's a bestseller." Call me crazy but I prefer people to RIP it apart!

3) My mom? Thank god for Moms! They will listen to their kids spill on about pretty much anything. I think my mom listened to me spouting on about platypuses (or is it platypi?) for a long period of time (this is a whole other blog topic but I am obsessed with the platypus right now. Fascinating creatures.) My mom is a great reader but I cant read aloud to her - no time nor patience. She does ask alot of questions so it would probably take twice as long as my critique group (sorry mom!)

4) Friends? - none of which really read let alone "children's books". I prefer to use them for to complain about my impossible schedule, to cry on their shoulder, laugh, buy my a cup of coffee when I am broke, or other unplanned favors :)

5) Family - too loaded with personal issues and baggage. And its the holidays - I need to keep things simple.

Where does that leave me - I guess me and my dog, Bud, my really old Jack Russell "Terror" who I just now remembered in COMPLETELY DEAF? In this case, I guess that is lucky for him :)

So I guess I'm back to just....

Me, myself, and I.