Just not that into you - rejection letters vs dating

No matter what stage of writing you are in, we all get different kinds of rejection letters. I have had my share. What we forget is that agents and editors get them too and they are just as painful. (ok maybe not JUST but they hurt).

As I hear of other's rejections, I started thinking about how much getting published is like we're dating all over again trying to find Mr. Right (or Mrs :).

I've heard of many rejections over the years and think I can safely categorize them into the most common dating scenarios so it will be easier for you to tell which editors or agents are just not that into you.

This is just to show you that even after you have a commercial idea, with a good voice that has been edited to death - sometimes - it is just about being at the right place at the right time. Finding the right person.

It's the X factor.

Unfortunately, sometimes it seems like we all live in Alaska and there are only 50-100 members of the opposite sex and our sex consists of about 10,000 people.


1. You are not right for our list

You are just not my type. I prefer blondes and you are a brunette.


2. We love the book and premise, but didn't quite connect enough.

We love you, but we are not in love with you.


3. This one does not work for me but I'd be interested in seeing something else of yours.

Can we just be friends? BTW does your friend have a boyfriend?


4. You are a wonderful writer with great potential. After much contemplation, regretfully, I'm going to have to pass.

It's not you... it's me.


5. You deserve someone who is passionate about your work.

You deserve the best and it's not me.


6. Our list is full.

My calendar is booked for the next several weekends. I'll call you, don't call me.


7. Should you choose to replot your book, we would be inclined to see it again.

If you lose 10 lbs, dye your hair, and dress better - I might take you out (but I cant guarantee it or that I will pay).


8. While your story showed some very strong writing, it just didn’t hold my interest.

You are funny and nice, but I'm not attracted to you.


9. No response to your query

I didn't have time to call you back. I was busy. (Just not that into you)


10. You are clearly a writer to watch.

I'm moving on but I'm sure I will regret it when you date someone else.


11. Please give me some time to think through how you would fit into our list.

I have a headache.


12. Form letter

The wing man calls you to say he's not interested or you get a text.


I once heard of a guy who sent back a rejection letter to an agent rejecting his rejection.

“ Thank you so much for your rejection but I’m afraid I’m unable to use it at this time. For that reason I will have to reject your rejection. Please don’t take this personally. I receive many fine rejections every month, so I have be quite selective in the rejections I accept.”

I do not recommend this but it will make you laugh.

Here's to getting a great rejection and a few articles that might help you feel better.

• Some famous rejections that went to well-known writers.
• The 10 hidden gifts of receiving rejection letters.
• Deconstructing rejection letters
  

Good luck and keep going. "The one" is out there for you - you just have to find them.

Rejection Lessons from "American Idol"

Update: all prizes have been shipped. next week, I look forward to getting back into reading your blogs. This has been a crazy few weeks!

Top 10 things we can learn about Rejection from American Idol:

1. Not everyone likes the same thing. No agent or editor likes the same thing. We as writers or readers don't like the same thing. It's not personal.

2. Criticism can make you better, if you're open to it. Take any suggestion for improvement and see if it can work. It make help you take a step forward.

3. Everyone needs to improve on something. No one is perfect. Some of us are good at voice, others at plot. It's about growing.

4. Believe in your talent. If you don't believe in yourself, how can your agent or editor? Trust in your ability and do your best to make it work. Sometimes it is out of your control.

5. Talent isn't the only factor. The best singer doesn't always win. The best writers don't always get the book deals. There are so many other factors that go into moving through this journey successfully: the market, the agent, the editor, the need, persistance, patience, timing.

6. Sometimes, it boils down to an X factor. Some just seem to have it. Others have to fight for it. But there has to be some connection between your book and an 'editor/agent that you can't force. It just is or isn't.

7. Know your strengths. Don't be something you are not. Know what you're good at and stick to it until you establish a place for yourself. Your genre, voice, and story.

8. Don't make excuses for your weaknesses. Just do something about it and work to get better.

9. Expect a Simon in every crowd. There will always be a critic that doesn't like your work. Apply the parts that make sense and leave the rest behind.

10. Have faith that this is your time. Its the only thing you can really control in this process.