I have not been blogging much lately. I don't seem to have much to say, nor the focus to find anything to talk about.First, I am so wrapped up in the elections going on right now too. It is hard for me to write. I find myself between absolute horror and hope. I am completely disturbed by the extremism going on in this country. The hatred and the racism - I am just baffled by the whole process.
Secondly, if I was honest, I am really in state of limbo. A few weeks ago, I finished my YA Thriller and am sending my baby out into "the world of agents". Very nerve-wracking. I have already selected a couple agenst who I have researched to death and would be awesome for my book. (dont we all say that?) I started iwth my top tier! JUst decided to go for it!
Waiting is not something I do well. I am an achiever by nature. I like to push forward and make things happen. This publishing process is a challenge for me to learn patience. So I need to channel that energy into something else.
Another book, perhaps?
Leads me to my third point - I can't focus. Don't get me wrong - I have a Grace 2 planned for my series and I have done the research. I know kinda what it is about. But I do not have it ironed out yet in my head. I don't know where to start.I feel like a balloon whose string has been cut and I am just floating above, watching life go on below me. I have been working on the Grace 1 for so long - almost 2 years to be exact and had a baby in that time - I think my energy was just so focused on creating something. But now - for some reason -I feel a bit lost after sending out my book. Its like I have empty-nest syndrome, I don't know what to do with my time. I did promise my critique group and summary of the book and first chapter by next Friday! Just don't know if I'll get there.
Most of all, I have a small sense of loss and realize that I miss the process of being so enthralled in writing a book that the words and scenes just pour out of you when you write - almost as if you are channeling something out of this world. Now I just feel stiff and slow and everything I write sounds dumb.
Lastly,my house seems to be falling apart right now. Furnace is broken. gas stove is broken. car needs servicing and has a "malfunction". toilet is broken. What is going on? Computer is acting up. And mercury is NOT EVEN in RETROGRADE. I am in trouble. I am a true believer that your house represents your life. To a degree.
So what is going on with me?
I realize that writing seems to mirror my life.
1) I am kinda wanting another baby(#3) but can't imagine being prego again.
2) I want to start hot yoga again, but can't imagine going back and to the beginning since I have not done it in so long.
3) I wish I could go back to eating no carbs/sweets (something I started doing again when I got prego 4.5 years ago) but I can't be bothered with the cravings and the strength it takes to sum up will power.
4) I want to write Grace 2 but cant find the focus to pin down the story.
I know a break is good but I love writing so much that I WANT to get back into it. I NEED to start something new. It's a therapeutic release for me. I feel jammed, bottled up, stuck. And I hate that feeling.
I know I can't force it though.
So my question of the day?
What in the world does a writer do besides write?
4 comments:
We try our hand at new hobbies and then realize we should be writing.
Er, that's what I do.
Wow, did I relate to this post. Even down to the hot yoga! [though I haven't actually ever done it but always wanted to] I don't know what the answer is when it's just not flowing. That's not true--my answer for everything: read a good book. I am totally addicted to reading for escapism. I hope that if I read enough, I will hone the craft by osmosis [ha, ha, I know.]
Oh, I know what you mean. There's that feeling of disjointedness that you get when you finish a book, like you're suddenly in a new and strange reality that doesn't quite fit. As for me, I get OUT. Go outside, see people, live a little outside my basement. Inevitably, I see something that makes me think: Oh, I've got to go write that down! And the whole thing starts all over again. :)
Can you believe so many people know SO much about you????
I hear you on the 3rd baby. Hard one to come to grips with (not having one). But you know, I tell myself this all the time, I was a FABULOUS mom to my first child (because i had all the time in the world). I am a GREAT mom to two kids. I don't want to be a just a good mom to three. I have just enough time in my day for my two boys. Someone is going to get the short end of the stick if baby #3 comes along. Think about that...
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