Ode to Graeme

Today my heart is heavy as I say goodbye to someone special.

My dear friend is moving to Eqypt and it suddenly feels like a million miles away. he might as well be moving to the sun (well except then he would burn from the intolerable heat).

Sometimes, someone very very special comes into your life when you least expect it. And somehow they touch you in a short amount of time, in a small way, that you can't really express or explain to anyone else.

It doesn't make any sense why I'm as upset as I am - because I have only known him a short time. And even Graeme was slightly surprised at my reaction when I hugged him for the last time (for at least 2 years.)

3 years ago, I met Graeme Stone in LA at SCBWI. We hit it off immediately and hung out the whole time we were there. There was a spiritual connection and we just clicked on many levels - we laugh at the same things, we observe the world in a similar (strange) way, and he is a wonderful thriller writer. I don't meet many true thriller writers so that was a total bonus for me. Especially someone who knows more movie, TV, and mystery book references than I do. (Trust me - I met my match)

A year later, I looked forward to seeing Graeme again. Once again we clicked, laughed, and talked thrillers and mysteries and disasters even more.

Even though we had fun, it really wasn't until Graeme moved to Atlanta last fall that we grew close. It wasn't until then, that I began to recognize how special he really is.

As I was crying on hubby's shoulder today, Hubby asked a simple question: "Why is Graeme so special to you?"

I could not answer him.

 You see, I can't really put into words or express why Graeme is so special to me.

But somehow in just a year, I've grown attached to him. Since he came here, we've met up several times a month for coffee, talks, lunch, dinner -  and had deep talks about self pubbing, writing, thrillers, movies, successes, failures. But more importantly - life in general. We recently spent a week together writing in the mountains. 24 hours, 7 days of laughing, writing, and plotting. When we weren't writing or hanging out with Kristin Tubb and Jennifer Jabaley - we talked about writing and thrillers and our past. Our dreams, our future, our regrets. We cooked dinners together and laughed.

That's one awesome thing about having a gay male friend - is hanging out with a man without the weird undertones. Just a male friend. A male perspective. It's refreshing.

I don't connect with people easily. I'm socially awkward, kinda shy, slightly weird, an over-achiever, snarky, and very few people get my strange sense of humor. Graeme gets me in a way no one else does. Yes, he gets my writing, he gets my jokes, he gets my movie  references, he gets my snark. I could look at something and by the time I look over at Graeme - we say the same thing about the same observation. We see things the same. We find the humor in the same things. Sometimes we discuss how that could play into a book but sometimes we just laugh without saying anything.


Now don't get me wrong, a lot of my special friends "get me" and of course my hubby "gets me" the most. But Graeme gets that tiny special place inside me - the small strange place where my writing comes from. I can't explain it but maybe you understand. It's a place that may not seem important to most people and i don't need to show it to many - but it's the 1% that most people don't even know is there or ever get to see. 


In addition to that, there is something very special about Graeme. He just that one of a kind person. Irreplaceable. Unduplicatable.

On the surface, Graeme is silly, dorky, gay, sarcastic, and wonky with a touch of insanity. But underneath his crazy sayings, his silly faces, and his slightly sick sense of humor - Graeme has one of the most beautiful souls I've ever met. The way he sees the world is eye-opening. The way he REALLY listens is unique. The way he cares about others so deeply and isn't afraid to show it is refreshing. 

Underneath the cool, funny, quirky guy - is someone so smart and conscious in life - you just want to be around him. He is one of the smartest people I have ever met. Knows something about everything. I bet he has remembered everything he has ever learned - like a big walking spongy encyclopedia of weird and strange facts.

Anyway, enough about Graeme (he is probably loving this right now since he's all me me me right now ;)

Today, I was left saying goodbye to someone I know I can never replace.

I am so happy for my dear friend as he embarks on an amazing life-altering journey to Egypt. He's had many tough years and has struggled - now he gets to take a fresh step on his path to discovering his true purpose. He's brave and fearless and I admire him deeply. There are not many people who would move to Egypt for 2 years - away from everything they know. Family, friends, and the total comforts of home - with just 2 bags and a smile.

But I am also very sad today. For me and what I am losing.

Sure Graeme and I will always be friends. And we will Skype and we will email and we will still laugh and plot together.

But it won't be the same.

And since Graeme is irreplaceable - that means there is now a tiny space left my heart that will always be empty.

If you want to follow Graeme's insightful and hilarious blog as he travels to Eqypt, gets a masters in linguistics, and learns to live in a society so different from ours, go follow his blog where he will be keeping a journal along the way.

Trust me, you won't regret it!

And you'll be lucky enough to see and experience a small slice of what I adore about Graeme. ;0)

Dear Grace, Thanks for the Good times

Marketing ReMinder:

Don't forget tomorrow marks the first interview in the Marvelous Marketer feature for Mondays.

Lisa Schroeder - author of I Heart You, You Haunt Me is up first.

See you then!


Dear Grace

Dear Grace,

We have been together almost 2 years now and I have thoroughly enjoyed our time together. We have captured your story and I hope to share it with the world soon. On this long journey together we have shared tears, laughter, frustration, fear, worry, and secrets. You have made me a better writer and I appreciate everything you have given me. You will forever and always be a great friend.

Now that I am sending you out into the world, I must get a little space. This does not mean we cannot be friends or hang out. I just need to take a little time away so that I may recoop and regroup for our next adventure together. In the meantime, I have to help another friend, Gabriella (Gabby) and tell a different story.

Without you, I would never be where I am today. I would never have learned to love flyfishing, about the true beauty of the North Carolina Mountains, the history of Cherokee Indians, nor the true of pain of losing a family member. Throughout the process, you have never wavered in your strength, humor, trust, loyalty and grace :).

Thank you and I look forward to seeing you again soon
Love Shelli.

Friday Five - My Heartfelt Sympathy To the Broken-Hearted

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My Heartfelt Sympathy
A lot of sadness has happened this week and I felt the need to publicize my condolences.

1) My old friend and boss, Scott Guilfoyle. Scott's 22 year old son, Jay, was murdered Sunday night by a friend he was fighting with. Scott - I am so sorry. My heart bleeds for you.

While we are mourning the loss of our friend, others are rejoicing to meet him behind the veil.


2) A fellow Mom and neighborhood friend. A few days after having a baby, my friend Carey Kauffman's lost her baby due to organ complications. Her pregnancy and screening tests were all normal and she was totally unaware of any issues.

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.


3) John Travolta's son. John's 16 year old son died from a fatal seizure. Evidently, John Travolta tried to revive his son for 20 minutes until EMT arrived. His last words to his son are reported to being "I'm sorry." From one parent to another, I cannot imagine the loss.

In the night of death, hope sees a star, and listening love can hear the rustle of a wing.


4) Patrick Swaze battle - After watching him being interviewed by Barbara Walters, I was touched by his grace and courage in facing a disease and his imminent death. he hopes to live 5 years and statistics don't expect more than 2 and his doctors says only months. I was taken by how strong he seemed and was saddened to hear he was admitted to the hospital today for pneumonia.

People living deeply have no fear of death.


5) My in-laws - My mother-in-law is recovering from gallbladder surgery and is now scheduled for hip surgery. My father-in-law has been diagnosed with Prostrate cancer and failed a heart stress test. My thoughts and love go out to them.

To us, family means putting your arms around each other and being there.


My thoughts and prayers go out to these families and those impacted by their loss or troubles.

There's no way to help those who are "Broken-Hearted"

Goodbye my friend

I am suddenly faced with losing a friend.

It is a very sad day and my heart aches.

I have never really had a friend move so far away before. Mostly, the people that have left have moved to South Carolina, Florida, another part of Georgia or New York. This side of the nation.

One of my best friends came to me the other day and said the words I told myself she would not say: "We're moving to Denver."

GULP..."When", I respond.

"In 2 weeks."

I have cried ever since. Anytime I hear her voice, look at a picture, or think about us drifting apart, I crumble.

BOOM! My life has changed and my friendship is changing - and I am left struggling to find the good in it. I have spent the last couple of weeks thinking about "The Secret" and hearing how you should be grateful for all your experiences and pain because you never know what it can bring. I guess I always thought of it as letting go and appreciating the bad or toxic things in your life because they are there to teach you something. Bad jobs, toxic relationships or negative people.

But I never thought of that applying to loosing the good things?

If something is good in your life...truly good and healthy... like a solid long-standing friendship that you adore and depend on for some sanity. Then, why do those things have to change? What does that teach me? Does it make a space for someone new?

Well - I don't want anyone new.

No one new can take the place of 20 years.

I just want my best friend here with me. A friend who has shared all my pain, joy tears and laughs since I graduated from high school. A friend who had her first baby one day before I had mine. A friend who is listed in our will as partly responsible for my daughter. A friend who shares my love of reading and writing. A friend unlike no other and irreplaceable. A friend that I want to to laugh with and love and be there for the little things that others don't get to see or that go unnoticed.

Now, we won't be there for those things. I won't be able to run over and cry on her shoulder when I need to. I won't be able to watch my daughter and her son grown up together.

My whole family looses the most special family that we spend our time and weekends with. Our extended family - one of my daughter's emergency contacts.

After 20 years, my best friend that is moving across the United States.

Just like that, in only 2 weeks, we move from seeing each other once a week to once a year? I just can't fathom that.

I feel a HUGE sense of loss. My other friends are encouraging me to try and hide my feelings and be happy for her. I am trying so hard to do that. I know her husband is happy and I love that. I know she is happy to be moving back to Denver to be with another close friend she grew up with. I know she is happy for her family.

But - I don't know how to find happiness in this situation for me. I know it is not all about me. I am just left with an empty space in my heart that I don't feel can ever be filled.

I don't know how to be happy for her. I don't know how to feel grateful knowing a friendship is changing dramatically. A friendship I loved just the way it was.

A friendship that will never be the same.