What moms really want for Mother's Day!

Things almost every mother wants for Mother's day but never asks :)

1) Catching Zs. I miss the days of lying in bed late with the sun streaming through my bedroom. Getting up and having lunch. IN order to do this - Kids need to be removed from house.

2) Breakfast in bed. - I'd love to not have to make someone's breakfast. Maybe lie in bed reading, awaiting coffee, eggs with cheese, strawberries and scones. Then more coffee with extra cream. I'd love to eat it in one sitting too. Like not having to stop and get up to get something for someone. To sit and eat in peace.

3) Spa Day. Massage, mani/pedi. Need I say more. If chocolate or cupcakes were involved - it would be awesome!

4) Shopping without kids. Hey I'm not picky. This could even be grocery shopping, running errands, browsing bookstores or hitting up Target without kids in tow asking for every item on every shelf.

5) Homemade Gifts. Not socks or underwear. Not even an organizer b/c that says I'm not organized. Maybe just homemade items. Those are the best. The kind that dad helps them do on a rainy day - in advance of course - not day of.

6) Night out. This can be with girls or a date night. But I'd love a night out on town. Babysitter planned, reservations made. For me to just show up and drink margaritas or martinis.

7) A Ban on Bickering. For the kids to start bickering about who's bossing who or how hit who. What belongs to who, what TV show to watch. Just happy kids with smiles and bells on.

8) Child Labor. A day of the kids and hubby completing the following tasks -
cleaning toilet seats
boxing up winter clothes and pack away in closet
organizing closet
laundry
dishes
going through old toys and cleaning out rooms/play room
cleaning out under seats in car

any will do!

9) Jewelry. Those earrings I've been eying but would never buy myself :) (by hubby or child)

10) Compliments galore - nothing short of:

"You're the best mom"
"Thanks for cleaning my underwear."
"I wouldn't trade you in for chocolate or toys."
"What would I do without you."


The top 5 things no mother wants to hear on Mother's Day

1) "I have tee time at noon."

2) "You look great for having 2 kids."

3) "We're out of coffee."

4) "I thought you'd want a new vacuum cleaner. And it was on sale."

5) "Lets just grab MacDonalds."



That's not too much to ask for - right? :)

MommyFail or Mommysuccess?

Update: I've donated a marketing pkg that includes a consultation plus a piece of swag (book marker, postcard etc). The proceeds go to the Do It Write For Nashville that benefits the Nashville flood victims.

If the bid gets to 300$, I'll add in custom twitter background. And if it gets to 500$, I'll add in a custom biz card design.

Also - check out my interview about how marketing helped me in the publishing business over at Writer Musing. Thanks Tabitha!

I have never been someone who thought I would be great at being a mom. And since I've had kids, I'm sure other would say my #mommyfails are off the charts.

1) Patience of a Saint? #mommyfail! I have no patience. I'm the person who pops the toast early.

2) Craft Mom? #mommyfail! I am soooooooo not crafty. To me, using a crayon is an art. This includes sewing buttons, hemming, making American Girl clothes. Nuttin honey!

3) Kids are the center of my world? #mommyfail! Yes, I can be a bit self-centered. It's just now, it's with a kid. I go to story time at B&N so I can look at books in the kid section while my kids listen to other people read. I'm still working on it.

4) Mommy Speak? #mommyfail! I don't enjoy talking about my kids all day, every day. Really I don't. And, when I go out with my friends, I don't want to hear about their friends kids even more. I dont' want to compare nap schedules, poop routines, and discipline techniques from Supernanny.

5) Mommy and Me? #mommyfail! I do not attend these classes. One because on a grammar level - its just plain wrong. Two - I do not like to sing in large groups. Three, they lie - it is not just Mommy and me - its 20 other mommies and their 20 kids. I prefer to conduct my own classes at home. Cheaper and quieter. I heard once that the class should be changed to: "Scared Sh*tless women who have kids and are going out of their freaking' minds so they need to get out of the house before they go certifiably nuts" class. Wait, maybe that's too long for a brochure.

7) Mommy clothes? #mommyfail! I've never bought into mommy jeans, mommy hair cuts, and mommy stores. Excuse me but I don't want to LOOK like I haven't had sex in a couple months. Whether I have or not.

8) Hot mamma? #mommyfail! I'd like to think I've "still got it" and maybe to my husband I still do. But at for drinks, going to concerts, I realize the phrases like MILF and "hot mama," do not apply to me. Being a mommy is only sexy to us and our husbands. And that might only be b/c we take care of their kids so they pretend we're as hot as we used to be.

Now don't go calling DFAX.

I feed my kids. Even if it is from a microwave.

I pack their lunch. Even if it is a lunchable.

I read them books. Even if it is the same one every night.

I bathe them. Even if it is every OTHER night.

I sacrifice writing, sleep, and exercise to make sure they are happy. Even though I may grumble about it sometimes.

But I love my kids more than my life. I mean, I've given it up, haven't I? ;)

Besides, if any of you tried to harm them, I would personally gouge your heart out with my son's Elmo knife and serve it on my daughter's Dora plate.

See? I'm a good mommy.

Who says these things are all #mommyfails??

So #mommyfail or not.

I have realized I cannot let others tells me what a #mommysuccess looks like.

Except my kids :)

What about you? Any #mommyfails you want to come clean on? Go ahead, set yourself free!

Sunny Sunday - Find out if you are really a Mom?

You Know Your a Mom When...

• You can no longer wear black, for fear of massive spit up marks
• You sing “Dora Dora Dora the Explorer” in the shower.
• You believe that macaroni and cheese should become it’s own food group.
• Play dates have taken over your life!
• You sing to the Elmo CD that is playing on your radio long after you’ve dropped your children off at daycare.
• You can’t wait to hug your own kids after you see something troubling on the news.
• You lick your finger to wipe the face of a child AND suddenly stop when you realize that child ISN’T YOURS!
• You can reach into your purse and pull out a crayon, a matchbox car and a dirty sock.
• You have no issues sniffing another person’s butt for a poopie diaper.
• A night on the town means taking the kids out past 6 pm.
• A packet of crisps (chips), and a chocolate bar is considered a hearty breakfast.
• At a party, you ask where “the potty” is.
• "Whine” is no longer simply red or white.
• When people ask you what you do, you tell them you are a “pediatric logistics specialist”!
• Sleeping in means… sleeping IN the middle of three little bodies!!!
• You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they're equal.
• You find yourself cutting your husbands' sandwiches into cute shapes.
• You can't bear to give away baby clothes - it's so final.
• You hear your mother's voice coming out of your mouth when you say, "NOT in your good clothes!"
• You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.
• You say at least once a day, "I'm not cut out for this job", but you know you wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.
• and lastly, you know you are a mom because you hear the word 1,000 times a day and you still love it!